By Delia Ephron
Universal and undying, Delia Ephron's tips on how to devour Like a baby is a pleasant revisiting of the thrill -- and tough ploys -- of formative years. Made right into a kid's tv designated and a musical theater revue played around the state every year, the right way to devour Like a baby bargains suggestion past the crafty etiquette of nutrition intake. Ephron additionally teaches us ''How to chortle Hysterically,'' ''How to Have a Birthday Party,'' ''How to Torture Your Sister,'' and masses, even more. because the Washington publish publication international famous, `After the giggles of popularity have subsided, something can be very transparent: all adults are little ones in grown-ups' clothing.''
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Extra resources for How to Eat Like a Child: And Other Lessons in Not Being a Grown-up
Run to the front of the room and draw your fingernails down the blackboard. Return to your seat like Groucho Marx, hunched over, looking both ways, wiggling eyebrows, and chomping on a pencil as if it were a cigar. Get your name taken. Get it erased by threatening to get the name-taker at recess. Sail a paper airplane and when it lands, raise your hands, clasp them above one shoulder, then the other: You are the champ. Get your name taken. Throw an eraser. ” Burp. Smell something funny. ” Wave hand in front of face.
Walk around wearing wax mustaches and red lips. See if M&Ms will melt in your hand. Eat red-hots and show off your red tongue. Promise that you’ll be a kid’s best friend if he gives you a Tootsie Pop. Wish that you would hurry up and get to the center of it while you listen to a riddle: Why did the little moron take a ladder to the party? Because he heard that drinks were on the house. ” There is a student whose head is kind of flat on top. ” To be immune from a kid with cooties, give yourself a cootie shot.
If reminded, say thank you. Go home. Throw up. 31 How to Tell a Joke “Wanna hear a dirty joke? A pig fell in the mud. ” Immediately repeat ten times. 32 How to Behave at School Ma, I don’t feel good. Maybe I shouldn’t get up today. I feel sorta blah. I don’t know—I just feel yucky all over. Ma? Ma, would you feel my forehead? I don’t? Are you sure? Are you positive? OK, I’ll get up. I’ll get up, but you’ll see—I’ll probably just get to school and have to turn around and come home again. Arrive at school late.
How to Eat Like a Child: And Other Lessons in Not Being a Grown-up by Delia Ephron