By Lucia Albino Gilbert
I observe increasingly more that to some extent psychol ogists learn their very own lives. My first reviews within the mid-1970s checked out the conflicts that emerge in twin occupation because the companions mix their a number of roles. rules for the early reviews first and foremost got here from con versations with consumers, neighbors, and folks I met trav eling. quickly after the subject of twin careers got here up, dis cussions of guilt and frustration undefined. The partici pants in my first reviews became out to be predominantly girls. males expressed no interest in engaging. a typical reaction used to be, "Talk to my spouse. " 7 eight PREFACE Ostensibly, husbands observed their companions, yet no longer themselves, as facing conflicting roles. even though i assumed this to be slightly real, I knew from ob serving my very own husband that my having a occupation had an immeasurable impression on him. have been males denying whatever? have been ladies overly delicate? Discussions with my husband, which helped me to get a greater grab on what male companions can be feeling, planted the seed for my next booklet on males in dual-career 1 households, released in 1985. In accumulating fabric for that e-book, i used to be struck via the distinction with men's ear lier disinterest. Husbands seemed wanting to discuss their lives. Their maximum concern-what occurs to the children?-became the point of interest of my final set of experiences. Why this ebook? "Sharing all of it" symbolizes the es sence of a two-career marriage.
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Additional info for Sharing it all: The Rewards and Struggles of Two-Career Families
In fact, many couples who eventually divorce do so because the woman feels patronized, and the man knows she is right. Feelings of entitlement may also engender feelings of competition and resentment between spouses, which may have positive or negative effects on the marital relationship. On the one hand, an ambitious wife can enhance a man's own ambition and encourage him to move into new and creative directions. " At the same time, a man may be unable to get excited about his spouse's career success when he views his career advances and salary as lagging behind.
Other ways to resolve or reduce role conflict, which I discuss at length later in the book, require spouses to deal directly with the causes of the conflict. Typically, this means reconsidering attitudes about men's and women's roles and finding a way to share respon- 58 CHAPTER 2 sibilities at home that feels equitable to both partners. The key here is for both women and men to feel secure in what they do and to have little doubt that what they do is right for the couple and for the family. If, for example, a spouse constantly questions whether hours spent writing a book will harm their child's emotional development, the internal stress and role conflict will not abate.
For such men, feminism is an abstract issue of rights and obligations, a set of rules to be followed.
Sharing it all: The Rewards and Struggles of Two-Career Families by Lucia Albino Gilbert